Robin.

Today in my teenage angst, Robin Williams died.

If you know me at all, which you likely don't, you'll know I love celebrities. I think they have a really hard job, standing in the public eye, standing up to scrutiny, performing in the biggest way possible. Naysayers, those people we know and hate but inevitbaly are, only make it harder. I think we need to be really careful about the way we think about celebrities and evidence that thought.

Loving them as I do, I form attachments. In February, I was walking around Superstore when my dad texted me to see if I had heard about Philip Seymour Hoffman. He was gone. He'd been found in his apartment. PSH is my favorite actor; tied with Dustin Hoffman. I think he is such an example of versatility and brilliance on screen. My heart stopped when I read that text. I finished my shopping in a haze. As I got to my car, I climbed into the front seat and started to cry. I didn't stop sobbing for two more hours. I had to go to sleep. Now as I think of it, I laugh a little, because he is a complete stranger. I know him only in fictional situations. I hadn't known, up until that point, that he even had a drug problem. But for some reason, to me, he was it. I was alwasy so happy when he was cast in something. Because there was more; more to see, anticipate, and hold. I still can't believe he's gone.

I do not have this attachment to Robin Williams. My first encounter with his wonderful voice was Aladin, in 1992, in a theatre in Lethbridge, Alberta. I will readily admit, however, that I don't like Mrs. Doubtfire, and I've never seen Good Will Hunting. Even so, Robin Williams changed my life.

I did nine years of undergraduate education. I love education and the process and the power of influence from minds that are wiser than mine. I love that, when approached appropriately, I can come out of a semester in a course having had my worldview shaped and reformed forever. So obviously, the story of Dead Poets Society is close to my heart. The freedom of learning offered to the boys, through the teaching of Mr. Keating - played by Williams, is exactly this kind of worldview shaping teaching. Two scenes, as an adolescent, and then as a teen, and then as an undergrad, gave me an unceasing and irrefutable love for education and as a result changed my life.

First. A verrryyy young Ethan Hawke fights Mr. Keating as he makes him write a poem in front of class after not completing the assignment.

Second. Mr. Keating explains the goodness and life-sustaining nature of beauty, art, and consequently life. Here he quotes from what is now my favorite poem, O Me, O Life.

I identify so closely with the message and sentiment of Dead Poets Society, most of which is carried by and communicated through the character of Mr. Keating. This identifcation has changed my life. Robin Williams performance, as the life altering Mr. Keating, then, has changed my life. I cannot even express how sad I am about his passing. Especially considering the manner in which it happened. Especially considering the climax of the story of Dead Poets Society. This is to me, the most important part of this whole post, and something I need to reiterate. O Me, O Life presents a questioning of the difficulties in life that surround us all; our self worth, the worth of others, the world itself. Whitman closes the poem by asking a question and then responding.

. . . What good amid these [difficulties], O me, O life?

Answer. 
That you are here. That life exists and identity. 
That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse. 

I hope you can find your verse. I promise, it is within you to write one.

Summer Update (scorn face).

QCM Post

Today in Top 40: MAGIC!

In which discuss the wonder and glory of Canadian Raggae Pop Band MAGIC!

Gradu-lame-tion.

The problem with having a blog to which you post videos from your YouTube channel is that sometimes you forget to actually post the videos you've uploaded on YouTube. This is to say, this videowent up a week and a half ago.

Movin' Out.

Hayleigh.

Today in my teenage angst, I give you The Best of Hayleigh Lawson.

I've been babysitting Carter and Hayleigh for almost two years. I started on Carter's fourth birthday. Hayleigh hadn't yet turned two. After figuring a few things out, the three of us have become best best friends. I'm there almost once a week - bless their parents for needing regular time out - and in that time we have eaten about a thousand pieces of pizza, had innumerable Frozen singalongs, quoted Shrek the Musical (or Usical as Hayleigh likes to say) till our brains fell out, and read the same Incredibles bedtime story four hundred times.

For about a month, when I was finishing school, I didn't see these babies at all. I got heartbreaking texts from their mom reminding me to let her know when I was available because the kids had been asking for me. I missed them desperately. Finally, on Saturday, we were reunited. It was epic. What follows are the highlights of our conversation.

Me: Hayleigh what would you like to drink?
Hayleigh: Five Alive. But we don't have any Five Alive, so I'll have apple juice.

H: Hannah will you paint my nails?
Me: Sure! Let's go find some polish.
H: Are you going to paint my nails?
Me: Yep!
H: You're my best friend. Wanna hold hands?

Me: (laughing at her)
H to Carter: Why is she laughing all the time? [to me] Hey! Why are you laughing all the time?

H [preparing to play catch with a plastic ball]: I'm just going to put my hairclip right here . . .

H: Do you want to use this ball? [smells the ball]
Me [confused]: Does the ball smell?
H: Yep! It smells like ball.

H [watching Shrek burst out of his outhouse]: He's too big for his bathroom. I'm not to big for my bathroom.

H [dealing with her puzzle]: Aww nuts. *This was, I kid you not, said with the exact same inflection and intensity as Michelle Tanner. All  I can do now is wait for the inevitable, "You got it dude!"

H [getting ready for bed, exhausted and moody]: Will you get that down for me?
Me [pulls down a pink bathrobe]: I think this is just for morning time.
H: No I wear it to sleep all the time.

H: Can we wear real pajamas now? I want to wear my Arielle ones. Imagine my [halloween] costume. [Pulls out Halloween costume] See? It matches.

Saturday was unprecedented. In the month that I was gone, Haleigh grew up more than I was aware was possible. I now understand, with new and great conviction, the statement: They grow up way too fast.

Today in Top 40: Much.