Kailee & Amanda: Pt. 2

Today in my teenage angst, I continue with Life Changing Lessons. I'm 26 now and in my last semester (probably) of undergraduate education. Most of my friends are married with children or have grad degrees by now. I'm not emotionally invested in this fact because I'm doing what I want and am weirdly content about it. None the less, when I meet people who have come to my age and are generally good at life, I am inspired to draw from their awesomeness in hopes of one day becoming a functioning adult. 

Not a good example of a functioning adult.

Amanda is one such person. As a sort of refresher from Pt. 1 of this post, Amanda is an introverted Archivist and one of the smartest people I have yet to encounter. She is also the most functional young adult I know. This inspires me. It's like as a generation, we've taken it upon ourselves to be dysfunctional in most areas of our lives. We might be able to hold down a fulfilling job, or graduate from Grad School, but relationally, we're a mess. Psychologically, we're a mess. Emotionally, we're a mess. Amanda is not a mess. She defies the archetype of the quarter-life crisis; and I am better for having gotten to watch her do it. People say that Amanda was born 40 years old and that is why she's so functional. This is partly true, Amanda is truly an old soul. But I'm also pretty sure it's just because she's Amanda. I want to be Amanda. 

One of our shared great loves.

Life Changing Lessons From Amanda
1. Productivity is normal. Laziness is not.
One of Amanda's favorite phrases is "that's fair." I'm certain it works toward her ability to reamin conversationally objective, but it drives me crazy. Mostly because when I'm being ridiculous in a bad way she'll tell me it's fair to behave that way, but she never does. It's an accepted part of Amanda's life that she will be productive. She is more consistently productive than not. I am never productive. And when I am, I deem it necessary to high five myself about it. Amanda shows me that my laziness, while commonly seen as normal, shouldn't be. Efficiency doesn't have to be taxing, but it tends to be when you aren't consistently efficient and have to cram efficience into an hour. This goes directly into my next life-changing lesson from Amanda.

2. Be better. Work harder. 
Amanda is the kind of person who works full time, goes to the gym five times a week, consistently cleans her house, avoids junk food, and still engages in all the greatest teen obsessions of our time. These things 
(except that last one), she will admit, don't come naturally to her. It's not the funnest thing to clean and eat well. And the gym sometimes sucks. The aim, however, is not to enjoy the difficult things of life, but to do them. In this, she seeks to be better. To be functional. To be healthy. I, in contrast, will skip the gym because a celebrity died and eat a bag of doritos because I haven't in a while. Amanda shows me that the key to being better is to simply be better. Do the stuff you don't want to because it's better for you, and it makes you better. So I drag myself to the gym and I put off watching yet one more episode of FNL to do my stats reading. Because it's better.

We both definitely have holds on THIS IS US, at our respective libraries.

3. Be adventurous. 
Amanda likes to do things. Big things. Not like party-big, but climb Machupichu-big. She picked her University because she could do a semester abroad there. Last year she went to New York just to see The Postal Service play one of the five shows they would ever do together. Later this year she is going with her sister to Peru. To see the sights and clime the aforementioned Machupichu. She likes to do things. She's adventurous. I like to stay home. I really really like my room. I like fictional worlds. And I'm okay with that. But here's the thing: so does Amanda. She likes her space too, and delves into fictional worlds with even more fervor than I do. But she also finds the non-fictional devling into real worlds as compelling. Identifying so closely with Amanda and watching her experience the world, has, out of no where, made me also want to experience the world. In small steps, obviously. I'm going to Ottawa next week and I'm pretty pumped about it. There's a lot to see, you know? I want to be adventurous.    

Speaking of functioning adults who shouldn't be.

I'm not trying to emphasize my weaknesses in these posts. They're not really weaknesses because they're not permanent. I can change. I've spent two semesters now studying the psychological mechanisms behind behavioral change. They exist, dammit!!! The point is rather that these relationships were unexpected, but not accidental. I have a lot to learn from those surrounding me, and I'm pretty grateful for the presence of Kailee and Amanda last year, as instrumental in the development of a (hopefully) healthier, more whole, and functional Hannah. 

Kailee & Amanda: Pt. 1

Today in my teenage angst, it’s February 8^th, and far too late to start making resolutions. I didn't do a resolutions/plans post because I decided not to make any and I didn't make the kind of plans that I wanted accountability for. It was just one of those things. There are a lot of live evolutions I’m looking forward to this year; graduating (again), for instance. These things I’ll inevitably share with you as they happen. They aren’t the kind of things, however, that we need to anticipate together.

It was kind of a weird year, though, and by the end I was excited for it to be over. While I understand the ‘turning of a new leaf seduction’ of January 1^st, I like to be careful about it; acknowledging my human-ness and general inability to follow through. Nonetheless, I met two people this year that affected me in such a way that I came to look at the possibilities for 2014 in a renewed light. Both are women. Both are younger than I; though, one by only a few months. Both are more accomplished and have more focus than I. This is where their similarities end.

Kailee is a hyper-extroverted, certified High School English Teacher who has spent time teaching English in Peru, and Swaziland in Southeast Africa. She runs the day camp at the Moose Jaw Multicultural Center during the summers, handling twenty craz-bot children, all facing daily cultural onslaught, and is legit just like super whatevs about it. I spent a composite day with them over the summer and was legitimately losing my mind every second.

Amanda, by contrast, is an introverted Archivist, who takes intense and admirable pride in old documents and knows things I cannot fathom. She travelled to Italy with her High School Latin class – obviously. She has spent significant time in Europe, partly for school, and partly for awesome. In Grad School, she went to Guatemala to work with Librarians Without Borders. Yep, that’s a thing. Most recently she got a boss job as a university archivist, with an office and everything, and is quite literally owning it. 

I met Kailee through a mutual friend who told us we should spend some time together. Thanks, Matty. We’re pretty happy about that. Kailee and I largely spend our time drinking wine and talking about how to make the most of our lives while still living with our parents.

I met Amanda through the Library, where we work(ed). Admittedly, the first two months of her employment, I didn’t know she existed. I saw her, obviously, but thought she was just a new and really committed patron. Eventually, she emerged from the Archive and we talked, first about the usual uninteresting things, and then about the gym. Then we died over Casual Vacancy, and bonded over The Fault In Our Stars, Taylor Swift, Friday Night Lights, Community, Arrested Development, and television as a whole. We spend most of our time talking about the glory of Teen Wolf, and getting upset wtih JK Rowling for the Ron/Hermione thing and then trying to forget about it. That’s obviously more recent, but we’ve spent a lot of time on it.

These two are legit the most amazing and admirable women, not only because of who they are and what they’ve done, but because of what they’ve taught me. The following are three lessons from each that I am carrying into this year.

Life Change Lessons From Kailee:

1. People are good, and important, and lasting.

Because she’s a hyper-extrovert, Kailee has a giant community of friends, and acquaintances. Kailee values people so much and she works really hard to make sure they know that she values them. Kailee regularly takes a family of four little African children to the theatre by herself, on her own dime, because she loves them. Kailee’s love language – though she might argue otherwise – is quite clearly quality time, and everyone around her is better for it. I take into this year the importance of surrounding myself with people that will support me; emotionally, professionally, and socially. I am led, by Kailee’s example, to resist the isolation that often comes as a result of my social anxiety.

2. Adaptability

Kailee takes on challenges like no one’s business. I avoid challenging things; to a fault. Last year, Kailee got a temporary teaching contract at one of the High Schools in Moose Jaw. Teaching High School is really hard. She spent ten hours at the school every day and went it on weekends. She shed a lot of tears. But she didn’t quit. Mostly because you just don’t quit; but a lot of me thinks that I probably wouldn’t have made it. Kailee is highly adaptable. She looks at a situation, assesses the problems, and figures out the best way to survive, and then thrive (yeah I did). It’s one of the most admirable things about her; and it's something I think about a lot when I enter uncomfortable situations. I channel my inner Kailee; as should we all.

3. If you want it, work for it.

Kailee knows what it is to work. She’s had a job since it was legal, worked all through college, and usually works two jobs when she’s not in school. Even during her trying semester teaching High School, she still waited tables at night and on weekends in order to pay off her student-loan as quickly as possible. Kailee also likes things. She likes to buy boots, and go on trips, and eat out. She also knows that those things come at a cost, and she’s willing to work for the cost. If you want it, you have to work for it. When I look my school coming to an end, and the things I want for my life, not only material, but also communal and experiential, I am inspired to work harder to achieve those things, more fully understanding the cost that accompanies their achievement.

I am a better, more whole person for knowing Kailee and getting to watch her live her life. It is my continual aim to actively put these things into practice.

Still to comes: Life Changing Lessons from Amanda. 

QCM.

Today in my teenage angst, I would first like to say that I love to make excuses. I am so lazy. Whenever I say this, one of my favorite profs at school replies, "as are we all." She's the cutest and I love her, but it doesn't make me feel any better about my laziness. Going into the Queen City Marathon 2013, I had such high hopes. I was going to train better and more consistently. That was the whole hope: get stronger, be better, finish faster. I did not.

When I started "training" in the spring I had a lot of trouble with my hip flexors, which made my knees feel like they weren't supposed to be a part of my legs, which made everything feel so much worse. Small reminder that I love excuses. So I stopped running for a while and did a lot of stretching, rolling, I went to the chiropractor. I got these new shoes and orthodics that I saved for forever and they made the front half of my feet fall asleep when I ran. So I ran a little. Like twenty minutes at a time, every once in a while. Suddenly it was the end of July and I hadn't done a single long run. So I did a long run. It was hell. I had to take my shoes off every two miles to wake my feet back up. I didn't run in between my long runs, but thought that was probably alright because I couldn't remember running that much inbetween long runs the year before. It wasn't; it wasn't alright.

So I got to the day of and I was super nervous. I ate a bagel beforehand, and it was so delicious. Do people know how delicious bagels are??? At this point, my sister was more excited than I was. Once we got there and I started filming and tweeting and stuff, I got excited too. One of the trainers from my gym came and wished me luck and was all affirming and stuff. And then we started running. The first seven miles were amazing. I felt strong, I found a pace buddy. I was all like, I'm over half done! I really thought I could make my time. It was super overcast, so the weather was ideal. Once we hit mile 8 my feet started faling asleep. This bone behind my big toe was rubbing on part of my shoe giving it a ridiculous bruise. I retied my shoes three times. I had blisters. Many. I took off my shoes for mile 9 but had to put them back on for mile ten. By mile 11 I had to run/walk 60/30 second splits; until the end. Three miles of 60/30 run/walks. I was so tired. My phone wasn't working so I couldn't even document the way I wanted to and I'm sorry, but there is little worse than not being able to social mediate the way you want to. I just wanted it to be over. Finally, I crossed the line. They put my medal around my neck, and I was immediately freezing. I wanted to cry but I couldn't breathe as it was, so I didn't. I went to find my sister but couldn't, so I just sat on the ground and waited. Beth eventually found me with my best friend and her daughter, who was in fine form and found my pathetic state pretty hilarious.

Queen City 2013 was the worst. The. Worst. I looked at Beth after and said, I can't do this again next year. She said she was sad and really loved doing this event with me. We have to leave at 6.45 in the morning to get there on time, and she just sits around for two hours, so I can't figure why she likes it so much. Either way, that was September 8th, 2013. I didn't run again until today. And I didn't even run today; I used the elliptical. The marathon was awful enough to make me question why on earth I do this. My body hates it, I can talk myself out of it so easily, and in the end I never see improvement.

 

So I'm trying to decide if I'm actually not going to sign up again and if I even can and want to and will do it. And here's all I can think about. QCM 2012 was so fun. It was my first time and it seemed to take forever, and I had to walk a lot but by the end I was just pretty pumped about it. I hurt a lot after, but ultimately it was really rewarding. QCM 2013 sucked. 'nuff said. But it can't suck once and be awesome once. That's not enough to quit. It has to be a two out of three, majority situation. So I'm doing the Queen City Marathon for the third time, this year. I went to the gym today, because while I don't necessarily want to do it, I believe I can do it, and I know I will do it. I want to be stronger and after a four month break, I'm a pretty sad sack. If it sucks, I'll stop. But if it's awesome, then that's that. I just can't quit yet. So I'm not. Stay tuned for what I am sure will be a sucktastic training season.

PRE-BABY!

Today in my teenage angst, I met with Suzy for a little pre-baby chat!

Rainbow.

Tonight in my teenage angst, I kind of met Rainbow Rowell.

So I'm talking to Suzy about this 90s movie and how she's so emotional she's sobbing. I tell her that I've been crying over everything. I cried so hard at the end of Eleanor and Park that I felt emotionally maimed. She said, isn't Eleanor and Park written by a girl named Rainbow? I said, Rainbow Rowell. She owns me for life after that book. She said, I have a friend who is friends with her.

Obviously.

And then this happened.

Imma die now, k?

I've just never gotten to tell an author how much they mean, and how important their work is. So I beg of you, order Eleanor and Park at your library, buy it on amazon, barnes and noble, chapters, whatever. Read it. It's unbelievable. 

ALSO! Rainbow has two other books and another one on the way. Attachments and Fangirl (linked to their pages on Goodreads), and Landline (coming in July!). 

Thanks for the chat, Rainbow. You're legitimately such a superstar. 

Hannada Reads (Like Canada Reads).

Today in my teenage angst, I've discovered that my favorite thing to write about is books; and pop culture. But mostly books. Its the most prevalent thing in my life and the nature of stories tends to fit with my excitable personality. Furthermore, they foster community built upon shared interest. Which is probably my favorite thing in life.

This year I've titled my end-of-the-year-books-post 'Hannada Reads' because I think I'm hilarious and will never actually be able to blog about Canada reads because I don't read those kinds of books.

Hannada Reads - created on PicMonkey

I read 25 books this year, which seems about right considering the overwhelmption of both my winter and fall semesters. The titles are in bold, linked to their pages on Goodreads. The letters in brackets indicate the type of book - (GN) = Graphic Novel, (AF) = Adult Fiction, (JF) = Juvenile Fiction, (YF) = Youth/Young Adult Fiction, (ANF) = Adult Non-Fiction. I've only given reviews and critiques on the ones that were super groundbreaking and/or I super loved. But as always, I recommend all of them. I know it would be a more well-rounded list if there were books on it that I didn't like, but somehow that doesn't seem to happen to me. So here we go.

Calling Dr. Laura – Nicole Georges (GN)

Someday, Someday, Maybe – Lauren Graham (AF)

        While reading this book, I couldn’t leave these characters alone. I continually found myself wishing I could spend time with them. Weeks later, I keep thinking about Franny, her friends, and her world wishing they were a twelve season tv show. This is what I love in a book. Way to go, Lauren. Please do more.

Caroline – Neil Gaiman (JF)

If I Stay – Gayle Foreman (YF)

Serena – Ron Rash (AF)

            Never before has there been such a simultaneously compelling and horrifying character. Set in 1930’s railway pioneering America, I kept thinking there was no reason I should enjoy this book so much; but like a piece of cake in front of me, I couldn’t not devour it.

The Spectacular Now – Tim Tharp (YF)

            I hated this book in the very best way. Finalist for The 2008 National Book Award, Tim Tharp tells this story in a very colloquial and subsequently relatable manner. The complexities of Sutter and Aimee’s relationship are maddening, as is Sutter’s inability to grow and change. I felt a little hallow after, but I was better for it.

The Maze Runner – James Dashner (YF)

            Gimme some eat it up world building. I talk a lot about enjoying books like food because my love for each is pretty much equal. Set in a small dystopian world surrounded by an unsolvable Maze, a group of boys work to survive without losing their minds. Put together, these characters are explosive and the nature of the story differentiates it from the onslaught of other dystopian worlds found in YA today. Pure win.

 Name of the Star –Maureen Johnson (YF)

            Mo Jo!!! I love Maureen Johnson. I love her. She’s hilarious, she’s weird, she can dabble into the mystic without batting an eye. For instance, this story’s lead character can see dead people. I, the reader, immediately forgot that wasn’t an actual thing. The thriller aspect of this Mo Jo work was new and entirely welcome. This is part one of the Shades of London Trilogy.

The Madness Underneath – Maureen Johnson (YF)

            Part Two of the Shades of London Trilogy. Can I have part three now, please???
Friends With Boys - Faith Erin Hicks (GN)

Invisibility – Andrea Cremer & David Levithan

            I love David Levithan. Everything I see with his name on it gets an automatic stamp; and I like to think that when it comes to YA, my stamp is golden – no, titanium. Levithan tends toward teen romance, but specializes in collaborative authorships like no one else. Not having read anything of Cremer, I had no idea what I was in for. The story starts out centered on the romance, as expected, and then BAM – fantasy. What a perfect surprise. Thank you, David.

Uglies – Scott Westerfeld (YF)

            Scott Westerfeld introduces, in this series, another example of perfection in dystopian world building. This governmental power sees our differences in appearance to be at the root of the world’s problems. An equalizing surgery is developed to literally erase the differences between us. Cut to miscreants, cut to insurgents, cut to romance, cut to a superb cliff hanger that left me scrambling for the next book.

Pretties – Scott Westerfeld (YF)

            An amazing follow up to Uglies.

Specials – Scott Westerfeld (YF)

            A terrible finish to the trilogy. Whyyyy!?!??!

Divergent – Veronica Roth (YF)

            I’ve apparently gotten to the age when the people doing amazing things are younger than I am. Veronica Roth was born a year and three months after I was and has accomplished this. I did a pretty cool paint by numbers a few days ago. Divergent is set in post-world-collapse Chicago and centers on a society separated into value-based factions (intelligence, bravery, selflessness, truth-telling, and kindness). There are those, however, who don’t fit into one prescribed faction. Beatrice Prior is one such individual, and like many strong, female characters before her, she ignites a revolution – based on her skill and strength of spirit – and changes the world.   

Insurgent – Veronica Roth (YF)

            Follow up to Divergent. You read it because you have to. And you love it.

Allegiant – Veronica Roth (YF)

            Final book in the trilogy. I was satisfied. I shed some tears – though not as much as some. An eleven year old ruined it for me, so I knew what was coming. If I hadn’t, I’m sure it would have been an ocean of emotion. Yeah I did.

A Passionate Balance – Alan Bartlett (ANF)

Hokey Pokey – Jerry Spinelli (JF - though should be AF)
           This book was unbelievably beautiful. Prose, at its best. This is not, however, a children's book. The complexity of the language, and the way he nuances every emotion, took all of my adult reading faculties to comprehend. If I was a ten year old reading this, I wouldn't have made it past the first chapter. I love Jerry Spinelli with all my heart and I would consider this book a true success in prosaic literature about children. Perhaps, though, it is not necessarily for children.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower – Stephen Chbosky (YF)

Number the Stars – Lois Lowry (JF)

Gone Girl – Gillian Flynn (AF) My fourth (CHECK IT! FOURTH) adult book this year. I expanding. I am.
           This book was recommended to me by my college roommate; like a year ago. Since then I've watched it circ a hundred and fifty times in and out of the library. Magically it was on the shelf when I was pulling my Christmas reads. I got hooked immediately in the worst way. It was just like when I read The Hunger Games. When I was reading it I wished I wasn't. I kept looking ahead, needing to know what the characters were going to do. When I wasn't reading it, I questioned why. The more I read, the sooner I could finish and know what was going on. It was the perfect book. It was so confusing, but consistently led you to believe you understood. It was suprising, but not in the way that overwhelmed you; rather it drove the story forward. Ultimately, it was so sad and so novel. I was most satisfied with the ending. In line with the rest of the story, it was an unresolved, ethically ambiguous end. Everything about this book was exactly as it should have been. 

Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist – David Levithan (YF)

Every Day – David Levithan (YF)

Forever – Maggie Stiefvater (YF)
Eleanor & Park - Rainbow Rowell (YF)
           I absolutely did not ever anticpate to love a teen love story so much. Don't shoot me, but I think I love Eleanor and Park's relationship even more than I love Gus and Hazel's relationship. The absolute best thing about this book is that it's written in third person. Rainbow!!! How much can I thank you for writing this in third person!?!?!?! The second best thing about this book is that Eleanor and Park develop their relationship organically, over time, and in a unique context. Their histories are complex and well-developed - again, enabled by the third person narrative. I am in love with Rainbow for building such perfect characters and such a perfect story.

So let's read, guys! And let's talk about it. Because reading matters. And books matter. And stories matter. Thats the most important part. Stories matter. The more we understand that stories themselves matter, the more we might come to understand that our stories matter too. 

6 Things You Probably Don't Know About the Library.

Today in my teenage angst, I admit a lot of defeat. My ability to be consistent in writing pieces for this blog is apparently non-existent. This has been a weird and difficult semester. I've been doing this (being school) for a while, but for some reason have never felt quite the academic taxation that this semester has presented. Despite this, I'm doing okay - academically that is. Enough of that, though. I've been planning this post for a while so let's get at it!

6 Things You Probably Don't Know About Public Libraries

In no particular order:

This is my library under construction in 1913 - via

1. The people who work there are not all librarians. 

Do you know what it requires to become a librarian? Do you have any idea the things that librarians are required to know!?!? My friend Jamie is a librarian of the Archivist persuasion and I honestly just cannot fathom the things she knows and how she retains them. My former boss is the assistant head librarian and everytime I think, "I don't know about {insert literally anything}", the thought is followed by, "I should ask Sheila. Sheila will know." A few weeks ago our website disappeared for no particular reason and she built it back and rewrote a lot of the code in two hours. She is so legit. The rest of us, however, know a lot about the library elements of circulation and aquisitions and organization and maybe programming. But we are not librarians. 

2. We do not have a hierarchy of 'Good Literature'. 

In fact! We are more likely to promote literacy, than the literature itself. We have all the classics. Guaranteed. Some of our copies are even really beautiful. But I'm not going to look at you, checking out Fifty Shades, differently than the next person checking out Pride and Prejudice. Reading is reading, yo! That's what matters. 

3. Our collection is built, based on what people read.

In our library, people really like Real Crime, Cookbooks, Self-Help, and Crafts (obviously among others). And that, my friends, is what we buy. My dear friend Walter (blessed 17 year old from Great Britain) raises chickens. My response to learning this fact was, "of course he does." Our collection contains only a handful of books about raisin chickens and Walter complains about this on a weekly basis. Every week, my response is, "who else is going to check them out, Walt? Who else?" No one, that's who. In contrast to this, we own four copies of the autobiography of a local supposed murderer. At least one is always checked out. That's what people read; and that is what we have. 

4. We don't have a silence policy! 

This is good news for your eight month old who has just discovered their vocal cords. But seriously, library spaces today are often much more like library commons. Come! Bring your friends! Sit down! Have a conversation! But don't bring your coffee. We do have a liquids policy. Spoiler alert, I don't follow it. Oops. 

5. We have movies! And magazines! And videogames!
We really do have videogames. For like six different consoles! We do not however buy games above a T rating, so I'm sorry if you're hoping to get to play Black Ops (is that a video game?) for free.
When Block Buster (is that one word? Blockbuster? It's been too long, I can't remember) went out of our town, I wasn't sad at all. The library legitimately has so many movies it's like shopping at a Blockbuster, but free. It's not just movies. We have endless shelves of TV series. Like, I'm not kidding, everything you could want. Ask me a title. I bet we have it. 

And Magazines!!! Who buys these things anyway? Okay, I do. But there's legit no need. We have subscriptions to over one hundred* magazine titles. It is through access to these magazines that I've gotten to know Martha Stewart, gained immeasurable motivation to run through Runner's World, and have been introduced to the world of BUST Magazine. Thank goodness for that. 

6. We don't have everything, but we can get you almost anything. 

Even if it's not in the provincial system, the Library will pay to have it brought in from a library that does have it. I oversaw the lady, who is in charge of this, ordering a book from Missouri. Or Louisana. Somewhere in the deep south. We will legitimately go that far. Other libraries are just like ours, you know? They build their collection on what's popular and what their patrons read. Maybe a library in Nova Scotia has a large readership of chicken raising manuals. Or maybe a library in Quebec has that super early Songs for Jane album (oh man Adam Levine you were so funny when you were little) that you really really need. If we don't have it, but you want it, we will try and get it for you. And let us! That's what we're there for. 

Go to your public library. They are so important. Neil Gaiman wrote a really beautiful and long speech about it. I know that a lot of people just like to buy the books or borrow them from someone who does, but just go anyway. Sit down, read a magazine, and enter into the wondeful and long standing tradition of your local public library. 

* That number is not accurate. I don't know how many we have, but I overheard that number once so that's what I'm going with.