Soundtrack.

Today in my teenage angst, I was sitting watching Friends during exam week. Don't ever do that. If you start, you just WILL NOT stop. 
On top of this, I was on facebook. My friend Brady had a bunny and posted pictures. Then I got stuck on his page and found this note that he posted. It was one of those ones that predicts your 'life soundtrack' by asking questions and then instructing you to put your iTunes on shuffle. 
Apparently the aim of exam week is not to prepare for the finish of a semester of hard work but to create mindless blog posts centered on the shuffle of your iTunes. Shame on me. 


Anyway, here's my supposed soundtrack. 
Opening Credits: What is Christmas. - TSO
Waking Up: Sleeping In – Postal Service
Falling In Love: Wishing you were somehow here again – Andrew Lloyd Webber.
Fight Song: In These Arms – Swell Season (fail)
Breaking Up: Even Now – Dashboard Confessional
Prom: Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered – Mona Lisa Soundtrack
Life: Piano Sonata in E flat - Beethoven 
Mental Breakdown: Weak in the Knees – Serena Ryder
Driving: Sway – Michael Buble (I need to get rid of him)
Flashback: The Picture Show – Parade Soundtrack (WIN)
Getting Back Together: You and I – Shane and Shane (good title, wrong context)
Birth of Child: Intuition – Feist (take two)
Final Battle: Tired - Adele
Death Scene: Just One Step – Jason Robert Brown (if you know it, it’s especially funny)
Funeral Song: From Me to You – The Beatles
Credits: Sing Joyfully Unto God – William Byrd

Pomp us up for nothing.

Today in my teenage angst, graduation anxiety set in. I think it actually set in yesterday or the day before but it was such a vague and unfamiliar feeling that I wasn't able to identify it as such right away. 


I'm feeling the need to mourn the end of this segment of education. The environment I've become accustomed to over the past four years is so comfortable. I apparently don't like change, I apparently don't like the unknown and I apparently don't like to separate myself from that in which I invest. 


Nelly Furtado said it best when she said "flames to dust, lovers to friends, why do all good things come to an end?" Strong words from that one. So what's the problem then? I'm aware that good things await me. I'm aware that the years of education ahead are going to be so fun. I know that I'm going to adapt to city life and engage in cultures that I've never had access to before. 


So why is my angst eating me alive? My independent and adaptive nature is not working for me, so it would seem. 

The late show.

Today in my teenage angst, I would like to adopt the respectable practice of staying up late. 
My mother might not consider this practice respectable, as such, for it negates the act of listening to your body. There is however, the startling reality (discovered at the beginning of february) that I legitimately function better on less sleep. 


This leads me to deduce that the practice needs to be adopted. The problem, within this, though, is how I'm going to train my body to stay up later. As it is, I go to bed at the same time and wake up early. The latter part of this system is amazing. We should really all do it. Watch an episode or two of 30 Rock before work or class and you'll be good to go. Back to training though. I live with my sister, who dear as she is, goes to bed quite early. This leaves me with nothing to do but do meaningless things and then also go to bed. 


Tonight I'm having a late night homework party in my friend's dorm room - not that I have homework to be doing - so we'll see if we can get it down tonight. Chances might be slim to none but we'll give it a shot. 

Discovery Channel.

Today, my teenage angst led to a series of very important discoveries.


First, this morning I discovered the depth of my sin. This wasn't the best of my discoveries as it led to greater angst, but it was perhaps the most important.
Secondly, I discovered the depth of God's grace. The true depth that is. For I had always known it but until you understand what grace is for, you cannot understand its giftedness.
Third, I discovered that God appropriately teaches certain people the same things and the same times so that they can learn them together. This is only effective, however, if those people are committed to a) living in intentional community and b) corporate confession (or peer confession as I like to call it). 


Fourth, I discovered the wonder of spring; again. It was strange however, to feel my body temperature modifying itself to the new weather. I no longer felt extreme warmth or comfort by the turning of the air from winter to spring, but rather a little cold. Perhaps this was really because I refused to wear a jacket. 


But what good is spring really, if you have to wear a jacket. 

In love with Ethan Hawke.

Today in my teenage angst, I fell in love with Ethan Hawke. 

I mean who wouldn't right? But I was watching my favorite movie, Dead Poet's Society and in the scene where Robin Williams makes Ethan Hawke present his poem in front of the class I was reminded exactly why I'm in love with Ethan Hawke and more importantly education. 

Here is the clip of this scene on youtube, so you too can understand the purpose of this post.

Beyond this, here is Ethan's poem, from the scene proving that emotion and struggle implicate beauty.

Madman

I close my eyes, and this image floats beside me; 

A sweaty-toothed madman with a stare that pounds my brain. 

His hands reach out and choke me, and all the time he's mumbling; mumbling truth;

Truth like a blanket that always leaves your feet cold;

You push it, stretch it, it'll never be enough. You kick at it, beat it, it'll never cover any of us.

From the moment we enter crying to the moment we leave dying, it'll just cover your face,

As you wail and cry and scream.

Uphill both ways.

Today in my teenage angst, I discovered that riding my bike home from school is exponentially harder than riding it to school. The only thing I can deduce from this is that Caronport is on a tilt. 


That's all. I live on a tilt. 


This does however bring to mind the time in High School when me and my friend Michael decided to find a way to make that confounding phrase "uphill both ways" work. We spent a good amount of time trying to figure it out but in the end decided that as with most self-refuting things, you just can't make it make sense.